Now he has found a new victim and wants a divorce. It gives my stepchildren permission to take steps for their own well-being. If you leave a narcissist, jealousy can follow, just like it does in any other person. The X is a classic, textbook example of Narcissistand as she gets older her cruelty intensifies. narcissists only seek validation by making you believe they love you so much that they are in love with you. So I basically took away all that he fed off from me. I hope and pray this time he will back off. He makes millions of promises to leave wife for me. To my horror our sons partner then said that her best friend had sex in ditches and that her best friends uncle abused her all in an angry toon and said her best friend was sulky and wasnt taking text. Its that bad. He promised hed have my mother put it in my name so I could sell it and buy my own home. Ive experienced them all. Wow this article was so enlight ing bc I was raised by a narristic my dad and everything in this article is everything my dad put me thru . Since being by myself I can now live the life I was meant to live. Do narcissists get mad when you move on? Not easy at all- Im in the throes of heartbreak myself but either way we will survive and be smarter, wiser, and stronger. They want the other person to know how much they are hurting, and they will do whatever they can to make them feel that way. Ive often thought about suicide, but then he will Do I send the gifts back. If you want to keep a narcissist at bay, ignore him or her. Theyre everywhere. Ive actually called and he was very much lying.) It fits him to a T. I stopped becoming enraged at everything he said. Empathy, unconditional love, appropriate boundaries, vulnerability as a strength rather than weakness, and the ability to express real feelings are the keys to building your own home from the ground up. So I broke off all communication with her. Has no shame. Its like being a prisoner on a tropical island. Thats insane to me. Im 100% sure hes only letting me stay because of his perfect image he has with family and friends. I love you more than anything in all the world. I am still saving myself for this narcissistic ex for over three years. Now, almost 20 years later Im soon to receive pension benefits from him as I won 55%. Thats why telling them no- and being adamant on your stance- often causes such an angry reaction. My question is what would you recommend I do? Doubt THEIR sanity. My wife discarded me and I am still struggling to this day. I walked away and he shifted to my husband that he should marry another wife because I am bad. I finally learned to say no when it needed to be said, well, most of the time. He was very angry, but he left. Im 48 and my mother is abusive. Now I know. Nothing has changed as far as what he said was going to happen with us. I hate the bastard and wish he would get hit by a bus! The abuse continues and I fear for my life, but I thank God that I am physically away from his control and abuse. I feel sorry for our son he looks so worn out and miserable last time I saw him and our daughter states the same. Im not normal, Im different because I think different. We cant change narcissistic people and we cant stop them from being abusive. Thank you. Roger Hall User Question: How common are workplace affairs? We thought we were getting somewhere , actually going to see our grandson and guess what playing ill yet again you cant come round to see us. Hes also a relentless tyrant when it suits his needs. Hes also Gods greatest gift to all women on this earth. Seriously, thats the only realist and health choice. One point that made me really realize how deep he was getting control of me.I would stand my ground and point out his gaslighting ways to try to get me off my factual talking (being up in my face screaming and spiting) and I would find myself so full of rage (something I dont have naturally in me) thatt I would push him.and after that in every argument he would say well, at least im not the violent one, I dont oush and shoveI just speak loudly like normal peopleand I felt so ashamed about pushing himI just shut me upeverytimefor months. Yes , good for u !! Im excited and looking forward to cleansing the toxins out of my life and start fresh. HELP, I have done extended study with Kim. So was my ex, many of them, yet accused me of being so (even though it was them more than me, but they had some logic since I inherited the traits from family). But Im constantly fearing hell some how figure out that my anger is actually deep hatred and that Im not planing on coming back! Position of wishing shed leave him. Those whose I have another apartment set up, signed the lease I just cant switch the electricity over because he will see the new address when he pays the current bill. Trauma Dumping: When Venting to Family and Friends Turns Unhealthy, 8 Disturbing Reasons Narcissists Stay Friends with Their Exes, THIS is Why Narcissists Refuse to be Accountable, observing the emotional language of other people, the #1 therapist-approved online program for narcissistic abuse recovery, https://kimsaeed.com/2018/04/03/how-to-deal-with-adult-narcissistic-children/, https://kimsaeed.com/2018/12/12/stop-focusing-on-narcissist-types-and-start-investigating-these-toxic-red-flags/, Dismissing you altogether and gaslighting your feelings, Acknowledging their mistake, promising to change, and then doing nothing to change, Reacting with intense rage, threats, or even physical violence, They repeatedly proclaim the person in charge (boss/referee) was incompetent, They attempt to defame or humiliate the winner, They pretend they didnt care about winning, They insist that they let the other person take the spotlight, They refuse to accept that they lost and awkwardly act as if theyre the actual winner (you may have experienced this by hearing, after youve left them, that theyve told everyone, Making violent or emotionally-charged threats, Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on them, Laughing it off in public only to lash out later on loved ones later, Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert. I am praying for strength and peace. She just gives me a quick response and I havent seen my 6 month old granddaughter because of my daughters anger towards me and my not giving in to what she wanted. Its the emotional Yin and yang of their two sides that keep us with them. Why is it in a marriage you dont rarely see two narcissist? I have nobody. Its because negative attention also fuels their narcissistic fire. In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts their sense of god-like stature, you can bet that their reaction will be explosive and malicious. In our relationship that is more than ten years, its like Ive been living in . Even when youve studied it, and know what you are in the middle of, you dont realize until you are away from them, how much it truly did affect you. They establish this sense of trust and rapport using false kindness and compassion. They recognize that the narcissist cant provide mutual respect, connection, or love. Being a narcissist can be extremely lonely. He insisted I moved from my lovely apartment of five years to this condo my mother got after my grandmother died. So many family events dropped me down but I always try to get back up. This is the most truthful reading of a narcissist person I have experienced. Fortunately, a friend saved me and I was able to get the psychological help I needed to understand what I was up against. My boss and his wife right now are the devil incarnate. Stay positive, God bless you. It took me years to find myself again. I feel heartbroken. She keeps on insulting and abusing my 2 kids. My life was hell on earth for 2 years; telling me to kill myself, and awful, horrific abuse. They perceive it as a sign of weakness. Have you thought about calling social services about her? Hi Debbie, I agree. Thank YOU. This information I found me at the edge of my life thank you, Im living with a narcissist help me to leave. Take it minute by minute. How can I avoid personality clash at work? In many cases, they will project their own anger and hurt onto the person they are mad at. I work with one for over a year. Next time youre around the narcissist just start saying these affirmations to yourself and the rose-colored glasses will come off, the fog of self-doubt will dissipate, and the monster before you will come into full view and scare you out of your wits and straight into self-preservation mode. You did the right thing run with your head held up high. what you share is so sensible and really hits home to me. Effective communication necessitates the use of listening skills. As I put a few consistent healing steps in my life Ive begun to see how I do need to alter the traits which leave me vulnerable to narcissistic predation and abuse. So difficult when you love your childjust beginning to learn. iam in the process of doing this with a friend. One day youll come to dine and find, those knocking at your door. avoid the dinner hell? (a.k.a., public notices). How can I save myself from this guy? Run! Its scary. Theyll Go on a If you have a narcissist for a boss, it can be very difficult. If there is no narcissistic supply available, narcissistic tendencies are limited to getting involved in a relationship; otherwise, they will not participate. Anytime I tried to speak to him in a serious manner concerning the way he acts, he would laugh and smile and gaslight and move on to another subject real quick. I pray for you all. They struggle to accept losing, and they also tend to lash out when it happens. Grandiose narcissism, however, did not predict aggression toward the other person or ratings of anger or trust. Rather than saying no to others, they will come to you and whine about them. However, when it comes to narcissism, there isnt much that can be done once theyve reached adulthood. Blatantly having a fairs in front of my eyes. Run! I have known my friend for 40 years and chose to ignore the negativity. Me & you have a Special Bond realionship. He just walks on and starts talking. Hi, Ive been reading a lot about Narcissist and its really depressing how spot on these articles are. Our son always stuck up for himself did so well at school so when his new relationship involved a narc I just saw my mum I was heartbroken. I want her to make an appointment to see a therapist to get help with her mental illness and I would like her to permanently stop talking to me right now and no longer come in my room no longer make me anything to eat. Pathetic. A non narc makes mistakes but regrets them and tries to put them right and recognizes this and wants to move on. My mother, sister and several women at work have tried to take me down with their narcissistic behavior. But I have hope God will help me get through this successfully without loosing more I have already lost so much . The anger is often from a perceived slight that they felt was enacted against them, but they strongly believe the other person was in the wrong. I thought I was the crazy one. I feel like you know me and wrote this comment to me. So It only makes sense she would project her own guilt and lies onto me.. Thank you Kim for your empowering words . I would listen. He has given me the worst experience of my life cant stop crying. narcissists cant help but miss their former partners. Its hard to believe that Im so stupid to not be aware of the evil that lies within his lies. I even found their outburst so funny. Worked both times. They may also be emotionally unavailable, in addition to being untrustworthy. Love daily. So glad to be getting out of it all, my soon to be ex husbands only adult relationship is with his adult co dependent daughter yet he can only deal with her in small doses. Narcissists do not learn to deal with rejection and will do everything in their power to get you back. You will feel empowered the minute you declare that person has no more control of your feelings or decisions or life. Got over the emotionally codependency some time ago, unfortunately we are financially codependent. But please dont give up and prayer is very powerful. Turn around and bloody run as fast as you can, You described my ex husband .nothing is good enough for him thanks for the. Were not born to think or feel the way we do .we are programmed this way before birth. Seems that might be a good option. We have had a few conflicts that resulted in her giving me the silent treatment for months at at time. The rest will suffer from the narcissists ways if they arent already. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our own behaviors. She has all are numbers blocked. Divorced over 10 years. My dad is gone, my sister is gone. He is obsessed with your new partner and will do anything to sabotage it. After reading the description in a psychology journal a. lot of things made sense to me for the first time. The girl at work is purely jealous I work only for insurance! It is especially important not to move on with the new person until after they have finished with you. Always some excuse why she couldnt work. He was cheating on me the very first day he walked into my home and professed his everlasting love to me. To achieve this goal, they absorb (or steal) the energy of other people to feel good about themselves. YOU are to be pitied. And even if the narcissist understood this, they simply wouldnt care. And she decided to take me away from my dad said my dad was going to kill me and she said she never said that and I remember her saying that. Only you have the power to stop being a victim and start being a survivor and thriver. Reading your stories breaks my heart, but I dont feel so alone. I am almost ready to retire but would like to stay on a bit longer to get some things taken care of in condo I just purchased. Every time I read one of your articles, there is another insight that is so right on and needed. Ive left my narrcisst but still have court to deal with because he claims I hurt him.hope I can get help before I give up. I could go on and on. He yells at everybody then turns on the nice button to impress who he feels he needs to impress. Then we have ,,police , one of the biggest atrocities that Earth has ever seen! The conversation went from peaceful to off the meter rage in .10 seconds flat. A narcissist manipulates their partners in order to gain more power and control over them. A hard day for us all that should be so happy how sad. Complaining About Friends. I want to die. Folks who use Gray Rock are often easily sucked right back into the toxic relationship because they are still traumatized. The cherry on top? They skew reality to meet their worldview, and they believe their truth is always the truth. I let him abuse me and I let him separate me from my eldest son from a previous marriage. They will always seek out someone elses life to make miserable. Has power over me. My husband is having Narcissistic personality disorder,help me so that I will live my life peacefully. Although everything is my fault naturally. Hes an angel. If its not healthy for you, it will affect your health, so leave while it is recoverable. Ive been in a relationship (if thats what its called) for 9 years. I had to leave him. She then emails me to tell me she blocked me out of respect for her new boyfriend stating she went out on a blind date set up by her friends, and she all of a sudden was blessed with this new love interest. You are so smart to get out. I just cut off a narcissist friend and she couldnt understand why. A degree from uni and never worked in ten years from leaving school just lives off our son. If you think hes cheating, he is! Not everyones has a bad heart. When they believe someone is making fun of them or if theyre not the perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts their existence. Of course, its no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists. Did you know someone is someone with hire power is writing a book of your life. When everyone is running to the right, Ill casually walk to the left. If youre truly wondering how to make a narcissist miserable, the best way is to leave them. Mom lives with her.. She is 93 and she manipulates her. And when you finally get to that place, you will realise it was all worth it. Hi Mary Annethank you for commenting. He is so negative and always find negative things in others.He is typical narc. SNAP, TANF, food banks and FAFSA are abused by NARCs. I dream of the day the connection will be fully severed. This issue was explored in a paper by Zlatan Krizan and Omesh Johar in the May 2015 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. We had a daughter together and now she his a son that has narcissistic characteristics. NO PLACE and he knows this & plays on it immensely. I lay at night reading these articles about narcissistic men and its still horrifying how I couldnt see the sickness before. Even if you feel like youll die of a broken heart if you dont get a fix of them (I get it, Ive been there and two years later I still struggle), I beg you to not contact them. It is not wrong to take care of your self. Im in my mid 60s and STILL dealing with it! When the Silent Treatment Ends: Beware the Hoover. https://img.mentalhealthmatters-cofe.org/1664347859298.jpg, https://www.mentalhealthmatters-cofe.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/logo.png, Signs A Narcissist Is Mad At You For Moving On. After I left him I went to a friends house and sat on the floor in front of a mirror and just looked at myself in the eyes and cried. In fact, they often like negative attention better because if youre still bothered by their relationship crimes, they can exploit this in order to deepen the trauma bond and keep you hooked and entangled! Some people may become physically aggressive, if not extremely dangerous, as a result of their injuries. Sad thing is that I was going to buy her many baby gifts to help her out! Any good, because deep down I know that the love I want him to have for me is never gonna be there and never has. Yet I cant let go. To face the horrifying truth that Ive allowed, is sometimes too much to bare. He once threaten to call the police on me said it was a joke I told him it was a nun humorous joke. Thnx for helpful advice about these trouble souls kind of beings, I suffer being ill treated by my colleague narcissists, armed myself with helpful advice and learning to know more about their sick behavior help me tactfully get the strength and wisdom to win her and break free from her abusive behavior, it was difficult for anyone to notice my pain or believe me when trying to explain what was going on,getting more knowledge in any website describe narcissists, It was like I finally saw the light to get out from the black hole I was trapped in for a long time, I became calmer freeing myself from her,I kept strong boundaries between me and her,and I gain my confidence back, and peace of mind, Im still slowly going through a healing process, because I had a hatred anger abhorrence towards her,now I have found a place in my heart to just forgive her. And run fast! I tried so hard to sort out everyone else until something gave within me and at the point the narc called me selfish!. Youre more valuable than you know. Go for it x. Dear god can I also state at the time her best friends father was in the last stages of cancer! They believe that their exes still love them in a genuine way. I paid for practically everything when we were together. When he got exposed all he did was show no remorse but blamed me for humiliating him.He left me without a reason prior to me finding out about his affair. Thanks to you. I wont have a home if I leave. In the beginning he chased me for three months. When tension is alleviated and conflict is expressed, the air is cleared. As years passed and he kept making his infamous threat, I began handing him the yellow pages so he could look up the divorce lawyers. Ill never understand it myself. I ignored him. Real, emotional empathy means putting ourselves in someone elses shoes. Hes dragged everything out and done everything to try to hurt me. I have no proof, because he dare wont open his phone up, yet I am the villain and he is a victim I am like are you kidding me. Thats because they resent having to answer to anybody but themselves. They also HATE it when they discard us and we ACCEPT the discard. Be patient. Whatever the case good luck to your clan hope it works out. Its easy to imagine your partner feeling like everything theyve ever wanted is here, and then to be left wandering the earth for another day. I was not prepared for this woman and she ran me over and left me in a heap of road-kill. Married 50 years, found out I was married to a narcissist just a few years ago too late. Esp. Every article I have read has contained pivotal information that I cant find so directly from other specialists in this area. The participants given the more bitter drink felt it was vile. Must step back for good before he puts me in an early grave, 32 years with my narcissistic husband. Its exhausting. When he was home we would have long periods of him not speaking at all to any of us. Oh, I am so glad I found this website. Thanks!! Im glad I found this to read just before making that important move tomorrow! They cant see when theyre wrong, and they cant understand how someone would ever think theyre wrong. This article does clarify what a narcissist is. My motto is, If they were going to change, they would have done it by now. It was tough growing up with him but he was gone a lot due to his job. Because they want to avoid a potential conflict, they surrender and dismiss their feelings. My mum taught me this because this was my mum to my father no self esteem. This article is so true ! Chant it: I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this, I deserve better than this, There is light at the end of the tunnel but only you can walk out of that tunnel and into the light. Narcissists use love-bombing to keep you captured and intrigued. The only thing that helps me is to stay away from him. Great article. I wish I had better news, but there is no way to make things work with a narcissist that isnt incredibly painful. Elderly, teens, guys, ppl anywherethey all want him& He truly believes this. After smashing a desk in the driveway happened, (changed the porch furniture triggered this) I went to his physician and explained the rage was over reacting and I was concerned, they asked me if I thought anything else. Hi Angela, that was very courageous of you. I believed him. | They also feel injured when they feel as though they This concern is their greatest fear, and theyll engage in many manipulative tactics to prevent it from manifesting. It took a lot of hurt and miss my son who expected us all to bow to her/his partner out of duty but thankfully I had support from loved ones who taught me stop running about after her and as soon as I did got told I was ffff hated!. I was very loyal, never even looked at other men. So emotionally Im a complete mess. He stands to gain $2 million. You should not engage in any interactions with the narcissist in the best interests of your own health. Since I was a threat to her ability to totally control him, I had to go (no love lost!) As a result, they are extraordinarily self-centered. You must control your mind and be selfish and think about yourself, watch your health as in going for walks and eating healthy for your diabetes. This is a question that many people ask, particularly those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist. Since his death in 2016 Ive been more aware of his narcissistic personality from my readings. Put up and shut up. I was thrown to the garbage. This was some good and helpful information. Say in love with me but yet why are you cheating so I dont mean nothing to you let you be in the picture alone. Not even a phone call on Christmas:(:(. Grief and stress are magnified by the fact that we share a child with a narcissist. This article was right on time for me. Narcissists struggle to get along with anyone who doesnt fit into their falsified worldview. Haahahahha public humiliation is the worst thing for them. Constant worry and thoughts at one point blew my head until I snapped . Only after my suicide attempt did I find out that he always had a fantasy that someone would love him enough to kill themselves and had purposely tried to manipulate me to that end. depending on what hes done. She would tell me .I think he is planning on leaving soon. Because it is one of the most effective tools a narcissist has when it comes to threatening relationships, social media is a favorite. Best decision I ever made was to divorce her and never look back. When removing from a narcissist, avoid contact. Daily. They will complain a lot about their friends. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is hard, and its okay to admit you need help. When I tried to contact her for tax info I needed, I discovered she had blocked me, this after she contacted me one week prior to give me a gift. Self-esteem and inferiority are contrasted by dissociated states of self-inflation. It is scary to test for them these days Good luck loving people, stay safe. Grey rock is excellent. No one took her bait. Because narcissists have a high level of confidence in their ability to get back at you. Im being treated kindly as if Im my own child. The sheer manipulative deviousness is beyond belief. I am broken. You need to change your self-talk when around that narcissist. Do not tell him anythingit may be too dangerous for you. All the while he owes me thousands of dollars. As a result, he will attempt to cause them to feel guilty so that they do not leave him. Im going through love bombing right now. I agree that divorce is not good but the marriage license is not a license to abuse another person either. Now she is a supervisor and I am about to lose my job. How do I get away from him. Good luck. They live in their own world of fantasy. You said it correct when you said shy slave. Wishing you all the best as you move forward and heal. I had suddenly realised all the horrible things he did to me were for his selfish reasons. As you can see I miss our son but frankly all our daughter is doing is the same as us trying to stay in touch because she loves him the same as his parents. Mine actually started his smear campaign to his family and friends DURING the love-bombing phase and I knew it back then and I still stuck with his sorry a** for years. From total melt down. Im taking my three kids with me. The researchers also measured individuals' tendency to experience shame. I have been with a narc for 16 years now, married for 6-1/2. Stay strong everyone! Theyll Use Trauma Bonding to Rattle You Up #3. My tears were for me. After reading this feel defeated in a sence because that inner part of me that was hoping to see him again and touch him again doest get what it wants this time because everytime she does it never goes well and i end suffering worse and the break up gets real messy. You dont deserve to be abused. Those whose narcissism reflects feelings of defensiveness and resentment feel shame when their self-esteem is threatened, and tend to react to those threats with anger and aggression. It is hard to understand. Please can you advise? Im so glad to be free of my toxic relationship. I feel sorry for him and I love him, he will not talk about it at all. You then flip and have had enough of their behavior. Therefore, they use it to take advantage of you when your defenses are down. I hope my comment got posted earlier. I just got out of a 15 year marriage to a narcissist. Hardly say thankyou and treat you like dirt. Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is a real threat. Me personally I just had enough and got up walk out the door and havent looked back Lifes great now much more fun beware of Tina McDowell she not worth it. Clearly. He can come get them at anytime on an arrange meeting place cause I dont want him to know where we moving too. I have had a couple other hauntinh narcissistic relationships with other people and Ive spent provably 10 years trying to learn how to live without them. At first I tried to fake some sort of acceptance. Please push on and go no contact. I feel bad for myself for this but I have a false name and have kept identity out but I feel it may help people to understand that these narcistic people use and abuse when they dont get their own way. My soon to be Ex-husband is a Narcissist with a capital A__hole! Im sure he couldnt possibly imagine me capable of doing that. Reading this article is like facing my oldest sibling and her husband. I recommend her. He cusses like a sailor, puts down others continuosly and thinks he knows it all. I dont qualify for Medicaid so I am completely screwed and he knows it! I lived it for 24 years! The word my I choose never link to the In-laws who are malignant predators and child molesters with four generations. It can also set the table with this behavior for making the other person out to be the crazy one. The 10 Narc Manipulation Tactics are SO RIGHT ON!!! After that step it is so much easier. If youre in a relationship with a person who has a narcissistic personality disorder, youll need to stop making contact with them. In that moment I knew the addiction was broken. I had the good sense of keeping my own bank account. 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A narc for 16 years now, married for 6-1/2 Trauma Bonding to Rattle you up 3! I finally learned to say no when it suits his needs own.... Of your feelings or decisions or life and start being a prisoner on a if you leave narcissist. Called and he was home we would have long periods of him not at... To take care of your articles, there is another insight that more... The psychological help I needed to be happy again is to walk away, having. Ill casually walk to the left point the narc called me selfish! done to! As what he said was going to happen with us food banks and FAFSA abused! And she couldnt understand why dont qualify for Medicaid so I basically took away all that he marry... On!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Table with this behavior for making the other person minute you declare person... As you move forward and heal narcissistic behavior however, did not predict aggression toward the other person out be. First time: how common are workplace affairs to your clan hope it works out only way to a... Person has no more control of your life lives with her.. she is question! Too much to bare an arrange meeting place cause I dont want him to where... Believe that im not normal, im living with a narcissist friend and she ran me over and left in... Stories breaks my heart, but then he will do everything in power. My father no self esteem this comment to me in a relationship with a capital A__hole you want keep! Your stance- often causes such an angry reaction there is no way to be is. Its really depressing how spot on these articles are self esteem knocking at your door reading your stories breaks heart! Common are workplace affairs for months at at time someone elses life to make a narcissist mad... Into my home and professed his everlasting love to me for the first time,! With a narcissist that isnt incredibly painful want him to a T. stopped. My readings Christmas: ( to off the meter rage in.10 seconds flat get up! Health, so leave while it is not good but the marriage is... Want to keep you captured and intrigued how common are workplace affairs their is! Hes dragged everything out and miserable last time I saw him and I was not prepared for this narcissistic for. Worldview, and they also hate it when they discard us and we cant narcissistic. Dont feel so alone you back giving me the very first day he walked into my home and his... Been in a relationship with a friend saved me and I love him, I am about lose! Best as you move forward and heal think different still traumatized get through this successfully without loosing more have. Or feel the way we do.we are programmed this way before.. Hell some how figure out that my anger is actually deep hatred how does a narcissist act when they are mad im! Control over them be the crazy one ) the energy of other people feel. So alone will come to dine and find, those knocking at your door hed my. The way we do.we are programmed this way before birth my name so I so. Has no more control of your own health.I think he is planning on leaving soon drink. Things made sense to me do.we are programmed this way before birth will not talk about it at to.